Have you ever thought you knew someone...but really didn't know them at all?
There is an image of humanity that is idealistic, but not very realistic. That image shows a perfectly composed individual---always smiling, one who never speaks harshly, and one who is without frustration.
Sometimes my thoughts
are crowded with impatience and anger...consequently invading my actions and attitudes.
Yes...I'll admit it...
I loose my temper. I speak what's on my mind. I am too often overly opinionated...quick to react (or should I say over-react)...too quick to go toe-to-toe and fight...these are some of my worst times, and I get upset with myself each time one of these moments occur...
...
but...
...must that always be how I am identified? Is that all that anyone ever see's?
The reason behind some of these "trade mark" characterics...some of them I know...some I do not. One thing I
do know is this.............this is
not what I want to be known as.
Why can a person who's quiet, non-confrontational,
never opinionated, and afraid of what others think...be seen as sweet and kind. But take a person who's not afraid to stand up for what they believe in, who refuses to allow anyone to run over them, someone that never runs from the truth...even if it hurts...they are seen as cold and insensitive. I don't know how to be both. I wish I did...then maybe others would see more than just the outer layer. More than just the first impression.
To those who's feelings I have ever hurt because I've spoken too abruptly...I am truely sorry.
To those that have been afraid to come to me with there own opinions, in fear of how I would react...I am tuely sorry.
To those that have ever felt uncomfortable because of something I've said...I am truely sorry.
And to those who know me best...I'm trying to realize the worst...and change them. Sometimes I struggle, sometimes I fail. Just know that I'm working on it, please be patient with me.
Each day, I ask God to direct my steps...I guess I need to start asking him to help me think before I speak. To put words of kindness in my mouth. And to teach me how to allow others to truely see my heart...not just the outer shell.