There is an image of humanity that is idealistic, but not very realistic. That image shows a perfectly composed individual---always smiling, one who never speaks harshly, and one who is without frustration.
Sometimes my thoughts are crowded with impatience and anger...consequently invading my actions and attitudes.
Yes...I'll admit it...
I loose my temper. I speak what's on my mind. I am too often overly opinionated...quick to react (or should I say over-react)...too quick to go toe-to-toe and fight...these are some of my worst times, and I get upset with myself each time one of these moments occur...
...but...
...must that always be how I am identified? Is that all that anyone ever see's?
The reason behind some of these "trade mark" characterics...some of them I know...some I do not. One thing I do know is this.............this is not what I want to be known as.
Why can a person who's quiet, non-confrontational, never opinionated, and afraid of what others think...be seen as sweet and kind. But take a person who's not afraid to stand up for what they believe in, who refuses to allow anyone to run over them, someone that never runs from the truth...even if it hurts...they are seen as cold and insensitive. I don't know how to be both. I wish I did...then maybe others would see more than just the outer layer. More than just the first impression.
To those who's feelings I have ever hurt because I've spoken too abruptly...I am truely sorry.
To those that have been afraid to come to me with there own opinions, in fear of how I would react...I am tuely sorry.
To those that have ever felt uncomfortable because of something I've said...I am truely sorry.
And to those who know me best...I'm trying to realize the worst...and change them. Sometimes I struggle, sometimes I fail. Just know that I'm working on it, please be patient with me.
Each day, I ask God to direct my steps...I guess I need to start asking him to help me think before I speak. To put words of kindness in my mouth. And to teach me how to allow others to truely see my heart...not just the outer shell.
3 comments:
My little Katie......
You need to be exactly who God made you to be! I have always known "you" were a very special little girl and now a very special young woman and that God had big plans for you. I have "never" questioned that, why...because I "know" my little girl just like you know yours. You are one of the kindest people I know, YOU are the one that "always" goes the extra mile for everyone...and...does it with happiness and a smile on your face....Isn't that what Jesus says to do??? I love you for that!! Never stop being who God wants you to be. If you ever have questions about yourself...pray and God will reveal what you need to do or change or except...I promise! As long as you listen to him and try your best one day at a time, everything will be ok. I love you and will always be very proud of 'MY LITTLE KATIE ANN"! You know three years worth of loving a child...now just wait till you have loved that little person for 30 years. I think "all" a mother really wants deep down for her child is... to be happy and that is exactly all I have wanted for you. Just sing the song....Don't worry be happy!!!!
Love makes a friend be a friend like you...love takes a friendship and turns it into something to last your whole life through...love makes a freind be a friend like you! :) Remember that song? You have more love in your heart than anyone I know and I'm not just saying that. I'm sure there has been a time in our lives when I haven't been there for you like I needed to be or maybe not "said the right thing", but I can't say that about you. You are always there and you always know the right thing to say. You not only say the right thing but I always know it comes from your heart. I really don't care what anyone sees on the outside or what anyone may think of you on the inside...I love who you are! AND...if they don't like who you are on the inside...they don't know you AT ALL! Don't try to be someone your not. There are definitely some things we ALL need to change...that I need to change about myself, but all I know is that I try everyday to be more and more like Christ and I pray that I don't see people and think of people the way my flesh wants to but that I see people through his eyes. You know how our flesh is...all it sees is faults and failures. I know for a fact that God does not see you as a person who is cold and insensitive and neither do I. You are an amazing women!...an amazing sister!...an amazing friend...and an amazing mommmy! That's what I see.
It's been several years since we've spent time together but I am confident that you are still the Katie I knew way back when. While everyone would agree that you are gorgeous, that is not what makes you a beautiful person. Your heart is hands down the most appealing thing about you. Your sense of humor is what drew me to you, but your honesty and willingness to be a TRUE friend was what kept me around! There are plenty of people who will tell you what you want to hear. I want a TRUE FRIEND. That person who will tell me what I NEED to hear. I'm not just trying to give you encouraging words, I honestly can tell you that the most important attribute in a person I let in my intimate circle is truthfulness and honesty. Personally, you have never delivered a dose of honesty or a "telling it like it is" with anything but kindness, even at times laced with some humor. And if it seemed like "brutal" honesty, well then I would have to think I didn't know you very well. That's most certainly NOT who you are nor would it ever be your intent. I look very forward to rekindling our friendship and just so you know I more than welcome any opinions, insight, advice, constructive critisms or harsh realities you think I may need slapped in the face with! Don't change a thing, Katie Girl!
Post a Comment